The Reader

So Gerald and I just got home from watching The Reader with Kate Winslet. I had mentioned in a previous blog that I had read the book and it was amazing. Well the movie definitely lived up to the book. Of course there were things that were left out but usually I love the book a lot more than the movie and leave disappointed. This however was not the case! Kate Winslet deserved every award she got this season for her role as Hannah. She was so good, putting it lightly. Gerald and I have seen 3 out of the 5 films now that were nominated for best picture. We saw Benjamin Button, Slumdog Millonaire and now The Reader and we both agree that The Reader was the best out of the 3. I really want to see Milk and I know I will watch Frost/Nixon eventually and then I can give you my final opinion. I have a feeling I will love Milk, so it may take first place in my book. But you should totally see the Reader and read it too! It is very thought provoking and makes you think about love. The whole time I read the book and watched the movie I thought about the what ifs of love. What if the person you loved had a horrible past? Could you still love them and see them as the same person? There was something about them that made you fall in love with them, did knowing the truth change that? Do we want to know the whole truth about the person we love? So many difficult questions no one wants to ask, this movie makes you ask.
I loved it! So if you get a chance please do watch it and support my girl Kate! She rules!!

xoxo,
Amber

Grams

Sometimes it feels difficult to do what everyone considers the "right thing." March is almost here and then before I know it May will be here too. To me it seems so unreal that in just a few months my family will mark the first anniversary of the most important person in our worlds' death. My grandma is someone who is simply irreplaceable. She was the center of our family, the rock that kept us grounded and reminded us that nothing matters more than each other. So to me it seems impossible that her loss will ever settle in my heart. I know what I am supposed to do, how grief is supposed to work, but I can't help feeling I am not doing it right. I can't help wanting to scream and cry every time something, even the littlest thing, reminds me of her. While unpacking today I cam across the quilt I was given after she passed. It is unfinished, the last quilt she was working on. My Aunt Lila offered to help me finish it but I can't. I don't want to remove a single pin or make a single stitch because every pin that is there she put there. I came across her afghan too, i could still smell her on it. It hurt so bad to smell her and know that sometime maybe even soon, that smell will wear off and I will only have the memory of her smell. They say time heals everything, I can't imagine this wound ever healing.

One of the toughest days to get through was my wedding day. As wonderful as that day was, it was equally as sad. I just saw a picture from that morning. It was taken just after I had put my dress on and I was looking at it in the mirror. I remember exactly what I was thinking. I was wishing with everything inside me that my Grandma was there. It seemed not right that she wasn't standing next to my mom, that she wasn't the one zipping me up. It was the first and really only time I actually cried that day because the pain was so much and so deep.

You see I am a Grandma's girl. I love my parents more than anything but it is almost as if no one understood me or could make me feel the way she did. She helped raise me for part of my life and a lot of little things I learned from her. My love of books, the fact that I hate wearing socks to bed, how to fold laundry, my love of children, how I love to tell stories (usually the same one over and over to someone who has already heard it)... it was all from her. She was my hero, I have never met a stronger woman, or man for that matter, who was also the softest person at the same time. She had more love than she knew what to do with. My whole life the person I was and still am most afraid of disappointing is my grandma. But the weird thing was you could never disappoint her, she loved you regardless of what you did. She was amazing and her stories and life were amazing. My deepest wish is that my children (future) would have known her. I mean really know her, not just her memory. I am so thankful that she knew my husband but also sad because the woman my husband got to know was only a portion of the woman I grew up with. By the time Gerald was becoming a part of the family, she was already starting to slip away. I know that she loved him and that she knew he was a good person. She told my aunt that he knew he would take care of me and he has. She always knew best.

It seems so scary how someone can be here one day and gone the next. Life is not funny that way. I want to be happy knowing that we can keep her alive through our memories but it just makes me sad that all she is now is a memory. So many important things still have not happened in my life and she will not be there when they do. I know a lot of people say but she will be in this way or that way but sometimes that just is not good enough.

I know this is a sad blog and I'm sorry but I needed to say these things. I need to know that someone else might feel the same way or that it's okay to not grieve the way you are supposed to. It's sad and ironic that the one person who could probably explain it to me best and help me feel better about it is her.She always had the answers, even if it weren't the ones we wanted to hear.

I love you Grams, always.

xoxo

Ambie

23

So yesterday I turned 23! It was a great birthday. Britt and Rich came down and spent the weekend. We mostly just hung out and watched movies and played games. We went to Dave and Busters for dinner Saturday night and played a few games, always fun. Sunday we went to our new apartment and got the keys... yeah! We started moving a little bit of stuff, paintings and pictures. We went to my parents' house for dinner and to hang out with the family. The boys are getting so big and are so funny. Zach is talking so much now and really enjoys beating up his big brother and following Tanna around like a crazy man. Ryan is a ball of energy, he reads now and is always so sweet, is favorite part of birthdays is the cake. He loves turning off all the lights and helping blow out the candles! My sister got me the cutest bag, it has a picture of my 2 babies on it. My parents got me 2 tickets to Disneyland! My favorite place!! Can't wait to go when the move is all done. My dad made yummy food as always and we watched all the Oscar fun! I feel like such a girl, I think I cried about 5 times through out the show, especially when the guy who wrote the screenplay for Milk won and when Heath Ledger won for best supporting actor. Brad and Angie didn't win but they looked great ;) I love the Oscars! For that matter I love movies.

Last weekend we went out to the Desert and celebrated my birthday with Gerald's parents and fam. We had lots of fun too, we went to dinner and watched Slumdog Millionaire, which I really liked.

All in all I had a pretty mellow birthday but it was so much fun. I got to spend it with all the people I love most, especially my wonderful husband!
Now for the next week we get to move! I hate moving it's so stressful and we do it every year! So I'm not too excited for this next week but I'll be much happier once it's over with.

On a different note I just wanted to say that I have read two really great books recently, both inspired to read because of Kate Winslet. The Reader and Revolutionary Road. She's in both movies which I haven't got a chance to see yet but the books are wonderful and if you get a chance I recommend them. She is an amazing actress and I have been waiting for her to win an Oscar since I saw her in Titanic so I have no doubt that she deserved to win this year!

Well that's about all for now. I'll try and blog more but I won't promise anything.
Lots of Love and many thanks for all those who helped celebrate my birthday in any way!
Amber

It's been a while!

Hello everyone. It's been a few months since I've blogged... I know I know! Gerald and I have both been very busy. We both just finished the fall semester of our schools. I am proud to say we both did very well. I am even more proud to say that next semester is Gerald's last semester of school. He will be a college graduate as of May 29th. I can't believe all his hard work is finally paying off. I know how much energy and diligence he has had to finish, so simply saying I am proud of what he is about to accomplish is an understatement. 

On December 28th we celebrated our 6 month anniversary. It is simply amazing how time flies. We look back and  still cherish every moment of that wonderful day. We still love each other just as much if not more. We are so excited for all the wonderful things that will happen in the next 6 months.  We also got our beautiful pictures back from that day and have fun printing them and framing them! I love them and they are a great reminder of how great that day was.

We had a wonderful holiday season. We have been travelling a lot from our home in Tustin to Desert Hot Springs to visit Gerald's family. It is always so much fun, like a little vacation. For Christmas we celebrated Christmas Eve and morning with my family and then drove out to DHSto spend 4 days with my in-laws. We had so much fun and got so many fun and lovely gifts. My wonderful cousin Katie had me in our family gift exchange and sent me a precious gift... a framed picture of me and my grandma from her wedding. This was the first Christmas without her so it was a little sad but being around all my family surrounded by love was amazing and helpedtremendously. My nephews are getting so big and were so much fun to see on Christmas. 

For New Years we decided to stay home, just the 2 of us, and watch movies and eat a lot of yummy snacks. It was quiet but really nice to just be in our p.j.'s and not worry about being out there with all the crazy people. 

Well that's it for now. I hope everyone has had as nice of a holiday season and we did. We feel very loved and honored to have the families we do. Have a wonderful New Year!

Love, Amber and Gerald

Nothing exciting.

Hello All,
Haven't written in a while so I thought I sould say a lil something. Nothing too new or exciting is happening in our household this week. Just work. I'll start school next week, blah! And Ger in a few weeks.
We had a lovely weekend out in the Desert with Gerald's parents. We got to catch up and just relax together. We had a fun dinner on Saturday night with his parents and some of their friends. We went to one of those dinners where the chef shows you how to prepare most of the food and the you eat what she made. I wasn't a huge fan of the food choice, but she was cheesy so it made it fun. And the company was great.
Our friend that filmed our wedding brought over the hard drive that has the footage on it to download onto Ger's computer but of course, because computers are jerks, he can't and they have to do something else. I don't really get what they need to do so I won't try and explain it. And we are still anxiously awaiting our wedding photos, but I have a feeling they will be done soon.
Well that's pretty much all the excitment I have to share for the moment. Until next time...

XOXO
Amber

P.S. We really missed Britt and Rich this weekend! They were on vacation. We still had fun it just wasn 't the same without them being there! Love you guys.

I hate computers

So my laptop, that i bought myself, has decided it no longer wants to work! I use it all the time and it has made our house so much more peaceful, before Ger and i would argue over computer time. now Ger thinks it may be the motherboard which he says would cost a lot to fix!!! I am not happy about this in any way.
Now that I have that little vent out of the way.... life has been pretty regular around here, except i have been sick for the past week. I just can't kick whatever this is! So we had a pretty calm and you might even say boring weekend because I did not feel up to doing anything. We did have a few highlights, seeing the boys... every time i see them I feel like they are growing too fast and i have missed something. Tonight we had dinner with my parents and brother, my dad made a yummy pot roast. Last weekend we had a fun couple of days. Saturday was my stepbrother's wedding, which was very beautiful and fun. Then on Sunday we went to Disneyland with Ger's brother, his fiancee, and her sister (Richard, Brittiny and Katie). We had so much fun, I love Disneyland, it really does just make me feel happy being there.
I have 2 more weeks until I start school again. I will be taking 2 classes, one at night and one in the morning, so my schedule will be a little different. Gerald doesn't start school until the 2nd week of September. We have really enjoyed this summer and being able to be a little family and cook dinner together every night. So that being said come September it's all going to change and I'm not really looking forward to it. I am so proud of my husband though. This will probably be his last year of school and I have watched him work so hard over these past years. I know I can't wait for all his hard work to finally pay off and for him to be done, so I can only imagine how he feels. He is really a dedicated student, he was on the dean's list this past semester and I know he'll do it again this semester! I think we are both ready to put school behind us and really move on to real life.
Well I've ran on a lot more than I intended!
Hope all is well for everyone else! We miss everyone and love you all.
Love, Amber (and Ger)

P.S. Just a special side note: My cousin Erik recently had knee surgery and since then has been very ill, if you could all keep him in your daily thoughts and hearts! He needs all the positive energy and well wishes right now! I know we are sending ours his way and we hope he gets better very very soon! Love you all over there in Utah! Thinking about you!
Thank you and Love you again!!

The San Diego Zoo with our favorite 5 year old

So I thought I'd post some pictures from our adventure at the San Diego Zoo! We had so much fun and Ryan was so good!






Ryan pointing at the giant snake, which he loved!

He loved the crocs the most, we had to go back and look at them!

This monkey made him laugh cause she was trying to eat a fly

The hippos were my favorite, look how cute they are

2 of my favorite guys!

If you look behind us you can see the polar bear peeking her head out of the water!!

Looking at some bears.

Love you all, Amber