"May Your Hats Fly as High as Your Dreams"

Well in my last blog I said I still had some news and it had to do with the background change. Most of you know this already, but, Gerald is graduating!!

And it's happening on Friday, this Friday May 29th! He will be graduating with his Bachelor's Degree in Film and Media Studies from Cal State Long Beach! I'm so excited for him to be done with school and for finishing it. You have no idea how proud I am of my husband. Not only is he graduating, when I know there were many times he wished he could just not be in school, but he is so smart, he has been on the Dean's List every semester. He took about 5 classes a semester so he could finish faster and I don't know how he did it but he passed with flying colors. One of the first things that attracted me to Gerald was his passion and ambition for the things he wanted in life. He loves making movies, writing scripts, and even the editing process. So when we first started dating, I was helping him with a movie he was making at the time, I was in awe of how dedicated he was to his work. I love watching my hubby film movies and how proud he is when he finally declares it finished (though most are constantly re-edited because he they aren't perfect just yet!). And now, as he finally finishes school and starts the next chapter of his life, I am so excited to see where he will go from here. Always my ambitious husband, I know he will do something great and meaningful because that is who he is!

On a final note I just want to say to Gerald: Boo I love you! I am so very proud of you and cannot wait to celebrate on Friday with you and all our family! And I can't wait to start making some more of your brilliant movies this summer!

Lots of love,

Amber

Changes

Many things have been happening lately that I have been kind of mum about. I didn't want to say anything too early in case it fell through but now I can finally say: I started my new job!

My first day was May 14th and if you read the previous blog then you would know it was a bittersweet day for me. I know seems like sad timing but I pulled it together and moved forward, as I know my Grams would have wanted me to do.

First I should start off by telling you why I have a new job. I don't know if many of you know but a little while ago I quit my job at the daycare. To sum up why: I was terribly unhappy with the administration, their lack of care or concern for their staff's opinions or happiness, their lack of care to follow state regulations (unless they had to, such as a state person being there or a complaint from a parent), and basically feeling completely under valued as a teacher. Many of you know how much I love my kids, with that being said it is an understatement to say I simply miss them. But I just couldn't sit by and be a part of something I felt was wrong. I did, in case you are wondering, vent my frustrations and disappointments to the "right" people but on several occasions was told if the parents weren't complaining then they didn't see an issue. Any of you out there who as worked in a school or even as a parent can understand why this is the wrong attitude to have. First of all it makes you feel, as a teacher, that you simply don't matter and that your opinions are a waste of time. And second of all, if there is an issue it should be taken care of right away, it should NOT take the complaint of a parent to change things. In my opinion if it gets to the point that the parents are complaining then we (I) am not doing my job right. Parents don't realize (maybe some do) how much behind the scene work it takes to make sure their children are not only safe but also are learning in the environment we create for them. And in order to do that the staff need to be happy and feel supported by their administration. I would like to say that I feel like I was a good teacher and many many parents have expressed that same feeling towards me (especially after I left), so for a good teacher to get to this point, it just seems very sad to me.

With that being explained, I'll now tell you about the new adventure I am on. I decided after I left that for a while at least I wanted to stay away from schools, still having a sour taste in my mouth from my previous experience. I also knew I still wanted to work with children, so I decided to try being a nanny. I know it can be very demanding and have been reminded that you are by yourself a lot, but I feel I need that right now. So I began my hunt, I signed up to about 6 different nanny sites and sent my resume to countless families. I did get a few calls and a few interviews, each time feeling very hopeful. They all fell through much to my disappointment. I decided to take a risk and put an ad on craigslist.com. I tried to stay very anonymous, as you know there are a lot of crazy people out there. But I have to say I am very happy I did it because that is where my new employer found me! Mrs. J works at a school and we hit it off right away. She really understood and appreciated my feelings about my former job. We talked a lot and both felt that this was meant to be and that we both got really lucky. Her nanny is pregnant and needs to leave soon because she is having a hard time getting up and down the stairs with both kids (one is the nanny's and one Mrs. J's). It just seems great! The little girl is 13 months old (perfect for me! i worked with the 12 month-24 month olds at the daycare) and so far seems pretty easy! Her living room is a great environment for little C, she even has a mirror on the wall and shelves of age appropriate toys. There are plenty of parks around the area (which funny enough, they live very close to my old work) and lots of places to walk to. Right now I am part time, kind of a transition period for little C and the other nanny. The other nanny is getting me comfortable with the routine and the house. Little C and I hit it off the first day! She thinks I am a new giant toy and she loves climbing all over me! By the beginning of June I will be full time and am super excited for all the adventures little C and I will take!

Well that's pretty much it! We have a lot more coming up in the next week but I have been blogging for a while now and need to go to other things! I promise to give you the rest (it does have something to do with the background change!) very soon!
Until then....

XOXO
Amber

LaRee Adams Dodge

As some of you my know these past few weeks have not been the easiest for me. My family marked the one year anniversary of the loss of my Grandma, LaRee Dodge, on May 14th. She was the head of our family, the center of our universe and her death was heartbreaking for everyone she knew. I miss her so deeply and, as I have blogged before, I so wish she could have been here for all the wonderful things that have happened in the past year and that will happen. It is hard for me to really think or talk about her too much without wanting to cry, so that day (and reliving it in my mind) was very difficult. I just wanted to say something about the amazing person who showed/taught me so much.

I love you Grams.

April 29, 2006... a day that will never be forgotten

April 29, 2006 was the day that my family lost one of it's most important members, my Grandpa Bob Dean Cole. He was my mom's, Renee's, dad. He was the person who always made sure that we were all always taken care of, that we had what we needed and a lot of times what we wanted. He gave me my first pager, my first cell phone, my first car. But more importantly he gave me a Grandpa. Most of you know that Renee is my step mom, though I call her mom, and we became a part of each other's lives when I was 4 years old. She became my Mom when I was 6 and she married my dad. Her family immediate became our family, from her brother my Uncle Mark to her Mom and Step dad, my Grandma and Grandpa Clarence and also her dad my Grandpa Bob. Though we didn't always get along, especially in my teen years, he loved me and was one of the grandpas I never had. My dad's dad left when he was 5 and my mom's, Debbie's, dad is a monster. So here we were 2 little girls who needed a Grandpa to love and have memories with. And he did just that, and then some. He used to call us (my sister and I) "Pretty" (or as he said it purdy) and he did the things that a Grandpa is supposed to do, spoil us. He lived with us for a long time, which made us closer (and sometimes made it harder). I will always remember, above all, how much love he had for our family, how much he adored us and what a fabulous great grandpa he was to Ryan, who absolutely adored him in return. When he passed, I had a lot of regret for the things that I didn't say to him. Like how much I loved and appreciated him, no matter what happened between us. I know that he knew in his heart but when you loose someone that significant to you, you feel terrible that you didn't actually say those words out loud to them. So on the day of his memorial, he was cremated, I read this poem out loud that I wrote for him:

It's never too late

to say what you feel

my emotions are overwhelming

but I know they are real

It's never too late

to kiss and make up

if you love some one you don't just give up

It's never too late

to forgive and forget

there's nothing worse than living with regret

It's never too late

to embrace your hand with mine

all I wanted to say there just wasn't enough time

You were there when others failed to do there job

Looking back all I can do is sob

Life isn't perfect and we all know that

But you were always my grandpa and that's a fact

So now you're gone

And I am trying to move on

I just wanted to say Thank you and I'll miss you every single day

One more thing before you enter Heaven's gate

I love you and forgive you

I just hope I'm not too late

My Grandpa was a family man, he loved nothing more than his family and he did all he could to make sure we were happy. I wish he could have been here for everything but especially for all the events I know he would have enjoyed the most. Such as: my sister's wedding, the birth of my nephew Zachary (who's middle name is for him, Dean), my engagement, my mom's graduation, my wedding and all the special events in life that are yet to come. I miss him all the time. Though my regret has gotten better in the past 3 years, I still have a small amount. I guess you always do in my situation.

If I could say anything to him now it would be: I love you and I'm sorry.

R.I.P Bob Dean Cole aka Dad, Grandpa, Pops, and Great Grandpa.

Lots of Love,

Your Granddaughter always Amber a.ka. Purdy

Autism Awareness Month

In case anyone wasn't aware April is Autism Awareness month. This cause is very close to my heart as my brother has Asperger's Syndrome, which is on the Autism Spectrum. At our wedding we handed out, as party favors, Autism Awareness pins. If you have yours please wear it in honor of so many people who have to live with this disorder. There are many ways you can help out. If you would like to find out or learn more about this disorder you can visit:

http://www.autismspeaks.org/

Remember 1 in 150 children are diagnosed with Autism, this is not a huge number so chances are you or someone you know will be affected by this disorder in one way or another. Also remember to practice kindness and sympathy on a daily basis and teach it to your children. Even though the child acting up at the park, grocery store, movie, etc. may look physically normal you never know what they are going through, what their parents are going through.

Lots of Love...

Amber

Food for thought

So today I was feeling a little down. Next week is the anniversary of the day we lost my Grandpa 3 years ago. And then about 2 weeks after that will be the first anniversary of the day we lost my Grandma. So you see the next 3 weeks may be a little bit harder than usual. I still think about them all the time, miss them all the time but when that day comes, the day they actually left, it is heartbreaking. Every year on that day I relive what happened, I could give you a play by play. It was hard enough to have to go through it with one grandparent but now I will have to go through it twice in a matter of weeks. And of course you always think of the things you wish you had said out loud, the things that you thought immediately afterwards but didn't before.

Anyways, while I was doing all of this I decided to look up some quotes. First I looked up Marilyn Monroe quotes. I have always been a fan of hers, not just because she is beautiful but because I think she was deeply misunderstood and lived with a lot of pain. I guess I feel like I can relate to her, the things she desired and longed for. Well anyways this quote came up and it just hit me.

"It's often just enough to be with someone. I don't need to touch them. Not even talk. A feeling passes between you both. You're not alone." -Marilyn Monroe

It made me realize how grateful I am for my husband. I know that no marriage is ever perfect but simply being with him makes me so much happier. When we are a part I miss him, from the second he leaves. And feel safer, more peaceful when he is home, even if he is in the other room. Just knowing he's there. And with everything coming up, I know he will continue to be there as he always has been.
Then I also came across another quote from Jacqueline Kennedy this time (weird I know).

"I have been through a lot and have suffered a great deal. But I have had lots of happy moments, as well. Every moment one lives is different from the other. The good, the bad, hardship, the joy, the tragedy, love, and happiness are all interwoven into one single, indescribable whole that is called life. You cannot separate the good from the bad. And perhaps there is no need to do so, either." -Jackie Kennedy

This brought me back to the reason I was googling in the first place. She says it perfectly. I know I would not be able to appreciate the ones I love as much as I do if it had not been for the ones I have lost. I just miss them.

Thanks ladies for the wise words.

That's all for now
xoxo
A

The Reader

So Gerald and I just got home from watching The Reader with Kate Winslet. I had mentioned in a previous blog that I had read the book and it was amazing. Well the movie definitely lived up to the book. Of course there were things that were left out but usually I love the book a lot more than the movie and leave disappointed. This however was not the case! Kate Winslet deserved every award she got this season for her role as Hannah. She was so good, putting it lightly. Gerald and I have seen 3 out of the 5 films now that were nominated for best picture. We saw Benjamin Button, Slumdog Millonaire and now The Reader and we both agree that The Reader was the best out of the 3. I really want to see Milk and I know I will watch Frost/Nixon eventually and then I can give you my final opinion. I have a feeling I will love Milk, so it may take first place in my book. But you should totally see the Reader and read it too! It is very thought provoking and makes you think about love. The whole time I read the book and watched the movie I thought about the what ifs of love. What if the person you loved had a horrible past? Could you still love them and see them as the same person? There was something about them that made you fall in love with them, did knowing the truth change that? Do we want to know the whole truth about the person we love? So many difficult questions no one wants to ask, this movie makes you ask.
I loved it! So if you get a chance please do watch it and support my girl Kate! She rules!!

xoxo,
Amber